I'm really steering straight into sharing my depression story. It feels good getting it out. So today I wanted to talk about how depression has affected my self-care habits. I've been battling depression since I was 12 or 13. My most formative years were spent in a cloud of darkness and emptiness. So needless to say that had quite an effect on how my self-care habits formed.
Over the last few months, my depression has been getting the best of me. I was crying at Pizza commercials, damn you celiac!, I was sleeping a normal amount to a little bit more but I was still always tired. I recently started going to the doctor regularly because I was also losing fights with my allergies. I talked to about being tired and she asked about anxiety and depression, both are boxes I tick.
2018 was a bit of a rough year for me. I found it really hard to find the want to write. Even when I had something I wanted to write I just couldn't muster up enough energy to do it. Finding a balance has been a big problem for me in 2018. I opened my Etsy shop and my blog kind of took a back burner.
This might be the hardest mental health and me post I've written this far. A big part of my depression as a teen was linked to my body image. I've had issues with being overweight since I was 4. I'm deathly allergic to cough syrup and the steroids the doctors gave me permanently messed up my metabolism. Before that I had issues gaining weight so I was on a high protein diet when everything happened. So when my metabolism stopped working I was still trying to gain weight and gained too much. I've been fighting it ever since.
I’ve always been an introvert, a loner. I’ve always liked being alone. Doing things my way, myself. I’ve always hated being out in public. Having to talk to people. Whether it was ordering food or checking out at the store I hate interacting with strangers since I was a kid.
So I've completely dropped the ball on blogging recently. After 2017 I think I need the break. I also took the time to work on designs and art for my new Etsy store, but I'll tell you more about that in an upcoming post. I think this post is actually the perfect one to come back on. I needed a break. I wasn't having blogger burnout. I've actually had really exciting ideas floating around in my head all this time. I've just had no will to write recently. Well, no will to type. I have been writing posts in my head for weeks.
*WARNING: The following post includes a dark subject matter and includes mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts.
Today I want to start a series of posts about my mental health journey. When I was at my darkest I would have loved to read about similar experiences. It would have been nice to know that I wasn't the only one who felt such deep darkness.
