This might be the hardest mental health and me post I've written this far. A big part of my depression as a teen was linked to my body image. I've had issues with being overweight since I was 4. I'm deathly allergic to cough syrup and the steroids the doctors gave me permanently messed up my metabolism. Before that I had issues gaining weight so I was on a high protein diet when everything happened. So when my metabolism stopped working I was still trying to gain weight and gained too much. I've been fighting it ever since.
It was the worst from the ages of 13-15. At one point I was over 200 hundred pounds. Being only 5'0 I looked quite round. I wore clothes 2 sizes too big because I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. My last name starts with Hamp so kids at school called me hammy, and hamper. They called me hampster because of my big crooked teeth. I got made fun of for my height and my glasses. They picked me apart for everything I already hated about myself.
At 13 I was about 160lb. As I got made fun of and became more and more depressed I eat more and more. I ate when I was bored, I ate when I was sad. I was always snacking. I ate mostly freezer meals, boxes food and fast food because I had no will to cook. The more I ate to feel better the worse I'd feel. As the numbers went up the scale the worse my depression got. I've talked about my depression in the first Mental Health + Me post. My weight and body issues were a big part but they weren't the only thing contributing to the darkness.
Around 15-16 things started to get better. I know at some point there I weighed 200+. Around 15 or 16 my celiac disease began. I started having stomach aches, back pain, joint pain. But I was starting to lose weight. I ended up losing 50 pounds. I still have 20-30 I want to get rid of. I'm starting to work on that. But anyway, as I started losing the weight I became happier and happier. As well as dealing with the mental issues I was having. I really started to get better.
I still have days were I think my thighs lookin' a little too thick. And sometimes I had the way a shirt fits, but that is usually my boobs fault and I don't think I can shrink those no matter how much I work out. Sometimes I think my face looks a little pudgier than I'd like. I have issues with my forehead, my under chin, my butt. But I have learned to love my body.
My darkest days are behind me. If I'm having a bad body day I try to focus on the parts I like. And I think I look a little thicker on a given day I look at my 200-pound photos and feel better. Body Positivity is so important! Being happy in your own skin is so important. You can't escape your own body. If you're having some body image issues try to find little things about you that you love. Focus on them. The parts around them begin to look better to you with time.
Have you had experience with body image issues? Let's talk about it in the comments!
Thanks so much for reading this post! I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a like if you did, it's much appreciated!
If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to message me or leave them in the comments below.
Photo Credit: Photo taken by me with a Canon EOS Rebel T5 with an 18-55mm lens and edited by me in Photoshop.
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What a lovely post - it's so important to talk about these things. Giving ourselves permission to exist as we are, and be happy with our bodies is so important!
ReplyDeleteSuch a lovely post, Cassie and well done for talking about it! I always tell myself each day that I look amazing and it's going to be a good day - even if I don't believe it deep down - it really helps me. If I feel like crap in an outfit I usually love, I just focus on what I like the most, and ignore my wobbly tummy and thighs! :) Tania Michele xx
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